Hi Annie,

Here is my situation. I'm upset that my husband has an ex-coworker friend - female - that he texts everyday. She lives about 3 hours away, is about 20 years younger than him and is divorced.

He assures me that there's nothing romantic going on and has made an attempt to keep the texting down when we're out for dinner, but every night he's in the TV room and they are texting a lot.

He has left two wives (one which was me - we have remarried) for other women. So if I accept what he's saying, am I fooling myself?

Signed ~ Fool for Love

Dear Dear Woman,

While I do believe marriages can flourish when partners have outside interests, those interests should compliment not compete with your relationship with your spouse.

Right now you seem to be, at best, hoping to settle. Maybe you're thinking there are worse relationships out there. And you are right. And I am assuming that your husband has some good qualities or you would not have taken him in in the 1st (or 2nd) place. But watching your husband have a strong emotional connection (if not an affair) with another woman puts you exactly in that 2nd place. You want to know if you can trust him not to do more than what he is doing. But seriously, if the answer was yes would you then be happy?

I would say that your husband may have said “I do," but he isn't doing it. He may genuinely love you, but he needs to step up the honor and cherish parts. Now you have to decide what you are going to do. One option is to accept that this is who he is. Another is to tell him you need more.

I hope your husband wakes up, grows up and starts cherishing you like a queen. I hope he becomes the prince he could be and makes sure this other relationship does not come between you. But more than this, I truly hope that you decide that you are worth all of that in the first place. Because you are.

~~~

Annie Zirkel, LPC is a Relationship Consultant based in Ann Arbor, Michigan who is available to answer your questions. You can contact her at annie@practicehow.com.