How often do you ask some variation of the question: What's my blind spot?
If 'never' is your answer—Congratulations. You've just discovered your first one.
Of course, most of us get that we have blind spots. Things we don't know about ourselves that get in our way. But because of the nature of this 'out of sight, out of mind' phenomenon, we can forget. Which is where the trouble begins... ...continue reading →
That's the way every single conflict begins. Of course it does, because if it didn't, it wouldn't be a conflict, would it?
...[But] The thing that's worth addressing has nothing much to do with the matter at hand...We cure disagreements by building a bridge of mutual respect first, a bridge that permits education or dialogue or learning. When you burn that bridge, you've ensured nothing but conflict....continue reading →
I have an arranged marriage that is having problems. When my husband and I talk, he makes issues out of everthing I say. Also he never supports me with my mother-in-law who seems to look for that moment when she can create a misunderstanding between us.
I have a baby and my husband threatens divorce. Then calls up my parents every other day complaining. What can I do to make this better? ~ Worried and Discouraged
I am sorry that you and your husband are having so much trouble. I imagine that neither of you expected your marriage to be this way. And adding an un-supportive mother-in-law into the mix makes it that much harder to create a marriage where you and your husband feel like you are on the same side. ...continue reading →
This video shows two ways of talking to your teen about homework issues - the more typical frustrated parent way, and a more nuanced approach. The two intentions of the second approach are to encourage responsibility AND practice working with your teen as opposed to creating the usual power struggle. ...continue reading →
Whenever there is an issue between my mother-in-law and me, my husband refuses to stand up for me. How do I get him to value our relationship more than the one with his mother?
Annie Answers: Do you and your husband agree that marriage is about having each other's backs? If not - I think I've found the real challenge. But if so then you need to ask him to have yours. In order to grow in your relationship as opposed to grow apart - he will need to set the record straight with his mom that you matter. ...continue reading →
Marriage Dilemma: Wife's resentment at husband's sports league commitments.
There's a good chance that when you first got together with your now-partner, him playing on a sports team with his friends was all part of the fun.
But now that you are married with small children and limited family time, this activity may feel like a luxury that's beyond the family budget and one that causes on-going resentment every time he grabs his mitt and heads out the door. ...continue reading →